What's in a Name Anyway?

Our lovely intern was telling a co-worker about the HUGE project that "Trish" gave him, when my other co-worker overheard and kindly told him, "Her name is Laura. Not Trish." To which our intern replied, "Oh."

I walk into work this morning and am greeted with a sunshiny "Good Morning Trish!" before he scurries off in the opposite direction. Confused, but not utterly baffled, I continue to put my lunch in the fridge upstairs. Upon returning to my desk, my boss pulls me aside and asks if I gave the new intern a project the other day. To which I replied, "Yes, why?" My boss then proceeds to inform me of their earlier conversation that went something like this:

Intern: "I'm working on this HUGE project that Trish gave me."
Boss: "Trish? I think you mean Laura, the girl from marketing?"
Intern: "Why does everyone keep calling her Laura when her name is Trish!?"
Boss: "Because her name is Laura."
Intern: "OK"

30 minutes later.

Intern: "Hey Trish, when do you need this project finished by?"
Me: "Me? I'm LAURA."
Intern: (Giggles) "OK..."

I'm no longer certain what my name is.

Lunch Tales Round 2

Today was another exhilirating lunch. I sat outside for the first 30 minutes and thought that this might be one of those rare, uneventful days, but alas, I thought too soon.

As soon as I went inside to join the girls, our dear intern came froliking into the kitchen with his half-eaten shrimp lomein. Turning to us, he proudly proclaimed "I went to prom on Thursday!" We all tried to avoid eye contact, but unfortunately, I was born with a heart, pesky little thing, and I was left to dry, all alone for the rest of the conversation which went a little something like this:

Intern: "I went to prom Thursday night!"

Me: (Looks around the room for help, sighs, then responds) "Did you have a nice time?"

Intern: "No. She doesn't get along with the Jericho kids and they made fun of her, so we left."

**Insert heart-wrenching awwww here**

Me: (Tender voice) "Aww, that's not nice. Did you tell her she looked pretty?"

Intern: "YES! She did. She was wearing a pink skirt, and do you know that Megan Fox? Well she has a tattoo that says 'We will all laugh at gilded butterflies', so she wrote it on her back in marker."

Me: (A huge cartoon-style question mark appears sprouting from the top right corner of my head. Confused, I have to think fast) "Oh, yeah. That's nice."

Intern: "Hey do you guys watch Twilight? I heard that the main character girl is terrible. My friends told me that in one scene, the two main guys are fighting over her and she is just standing there screaming "No, No" with her hands in her hair."

Me: (Quickly losing interest) "Yeah, I've seen it."

The intern soon realizes he has to get back to work and exits stage left. We all breath a sigh of relief. Then, in dramatic fashion, the kitchen door swings open. Looking at me, the intern exclaims:

"Hey Trish, the project you gave me is going to take me all summer. Thanks a lot!!!"

Door slams shut, intern exits.

No, my name is not Trish.

Am I Being Punked?

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you are seriously waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come out with the cameras?

We have a new intern in the office that just so happens to be the son of one of our managers here, deeming it incredibly inappropriate to be rude to him, because regardless of what he’s making here, his last name automatically puts him higher than you. We were graced, for lack of a better term, with his presence at lunch yesterday and for the entire 30 minutes, I kept turning around looking for the cameraman. He proceeded to discuss his favorite TV show (Keeping Up With the Kardashians)…not to mention his favorite one is Khloe because “she is pretty cute.” To which my co-worker kindly added “Yes, with a bag over her head!” (Nice work, D). After his reality TV observations we were enlightened with his afternoon activity of the day, taking “this girl” to her prom. Her mom wasn’t able to get a limo, a huge situation, and he threatened his own brother’s life if he didn’t pick up the corsage by the time he got home. He then discussed how he is oober excited to go to college because he lives in a clean neighborhood, but the children are “REALLY bad.” How bad might you ask? Well he put it this way…”the next-door neighbor got suspended TWICE last year.” Are you as puzzled as I am? Because all I am thinking of is, wow bad ass popular kid. Is he 18 yet?

As if this conversation wasn’t titillating enough, the entire time he was eating a chocolate chip muffin and managed to not get ONE piece in his mouth. He left a few chips ON his mouth, but the rest of the muffin was either on his lap, or on the table. (As a side note, the president of our company JUST got these tables in at a great personal expense to himself. They are shiny metal 4 x 4 tables with no umbrellas that we can have our own hibachi lunches on if we so desire. But the good news folks is that they are impervious to water. So regardless of the fact that we get third degree burns if our elbow touches the table and that they are smeared with dirty rain, we BETTER be eating outside or we have to answer 20 questions as to why we do not like the tables.)

His father finally found him as the rest of us were gearing up to take the plunge off the side of the building and told him to get back to work, but not before he cleaned up after himself. He proceeded to scoop the crumbs of the muffin into his hands, look up and then throw them over the side of the building because the garbage can a mere 5 ft away suddenly escaped his mind.

Ashton never showed up.

Adventures of a Doofus

While my workday can sometimes feel like the Twilight Zone, the fun doesn't stop there. It continues as I get home to the love of my life, no, not my husband, (love u babe!) but the most recent addition to our family, our dog Bella.

We adopted Bella on October 17 of last year at a Petco open house adoption fair that I had every intention of just walking through and no intention of making a purchase. However, if you know me, you would know that my husband was genius to bring me there because I have a large weakness for animals and he knew there was no way I was walking out of there empty-handed. We walked up and down aisles of puppies and dogs up for adoption before we got to the last cage where this perfect little angel was sleeping amongst her brothers. "Can I hold her" were the first words out of my mouth and after putting her in my arms, my next were, "How much?" After being told that she would not be a big shedder and get no larger than 20 pounds (my ONLY requirements) we were on our way home with our lil pup. 45 pounds later and enough hair to make two full toupees daily, we got ourselves a doofus.

After our first trip to the vet, we learned that Bella Bear was half Beagle, which means that she thinks everything in the world is meant to be eaten. Now, her name is Bella, but we've been calling her Bella Bear since 3 hours after we got her home, so I'm pretty sure she thinks that's her real name. That, or Doofie. In the past week and a half she has successfully eaten three bras, one picture frame and just last night, the hubby's wallet. And ladies, two of the bras were Victoria Secret, so you know I seriously contemplated taking the pieces out of her nightly #2 and piecing them together again. Clearly she knew the difference between my Kohl's bargains and the good stuff and opted for the latter.

As you can tell from the picture above, Bells has an abnormally large tongue. I'm convinced that it doesn't fit in her mouth, which is why you can find it draping on the floor, usually to the left, on any given day. She's perfectly content to walk around, tongue dragging behind, and give a big wet slobber to anyone or anything that passes in her way. Which is why, on many occasions, that I've found my behind to be slightly damp after sitting somewhere she was just laying.

While the Beagle traits are conveniently more prevalent, she is also half Australian Sheperd, which accounts for her spirts of being a genius. By telling her only once to ring a bell if she has to go potty, she now proudly prances to the bell each and every time she has to go out. (She also likes to fool us and ring the bell and pretend she has to go potty, only to stare at us and go "hehehe gotcha!" after we take her out for the 5th time that hour).

Everyday is something new with Bella bear. Though she keeps us on our toes, we can't wait to get home each day and see what doofie thing she has in store.

My First Blog!

So it's 11:21 AM and as I sit in my cubicle pondering how life has led me here, I figured that starting a blog about the daily ridiculous antics of what I guess is called a job would be something fun to write about. I say fun very loosely, as the events that occur here are not fun at all, but merely so absurd that I find myself laughing at them to keep from crying.

Each day, I take the 6:50 AM bus into the city and walk the 15 blocks from Port Authority to our BRAND NEW BUILDING on 53rd Street. Now let me tell you that when I interviewed here in 2007, I was told the location on 47th Street was merely a "holding place" until our new building was ready. Three years later, we actually moved in. Our building is also the home to Al Roker and the Wendy Williams Show. It's a pleasure to have to weave in and out of lines of decked out girls wearing shirts as dresses at 7:30 in the morning, let me tell ya. But moving right along...

I will literally have something absurd to blog about everyday. There isn't a day during the week that something crazy doesn't happen and leaves my co-workers and I questioning what the heck we did in our past lives to get here today. Since I didn't start this blog early enough to let you in on some of the gems of the past three years, I will give you a brief story that happened a year ago.

We have a rather odd co-worker that keeps to himself for the most part and has worked here for the better part of a century. One day, he was working in white linen pants. WHITE LINEN PANTS. Now for anyone who works here, you know this is a huge no-no. We are business professional all day, everyday. As we all questioned if he thought he was at the beach, an e-mail was passed around that explained the story. As he walked to work that Wednesday morning, he was stricken with a case of explosive diarhhea. Yes folks, I sh*t you not...no pun intended. Unfortunately, he did not make it to work in time and ruined his work pants and he conveniently had this pair of linen pants at his desk.

After the girls and I at lunch pulled ourselves together from hearing this story, we questioned 2 major things.

1. After having ED, our coined term, would anyone else really come to work?
2. Why did he have white linen pants at his desk?

So let this be a lesson to you all. You should all keep a pair of pants at your desk, because as we all know, sh*t happens.

Until tomorrow =)